What will you focus on?

Dad

Today is a day that is usually filled with sorrow for me. We all have them at certain points in our lives – anniversaries of deaths of loved ones, marriages broken, tragedies and so on. My dad on this birthday would have been 61 years old. But this year, as a result of a change in perspective, I am feeling a bit less mournful. I am making the conscious choice to not focus on what I have lost. Yes, the feelings are still there: anger at having lost a father too young, sadness at the events and occasions he missed and frustration at having lost my anchor in difficult times. I am just choosing to place my focus elsewhere.

What if we focus instead on the gifts we have received from having the person, marriage or crisis in our lives? I have nearly 38 years of happy memories; summers spent picking berries and swimming in the creek, working together on projects (even though I grumbled) and later laughter and joy at watching him play with my children. There are some not-so -happy memories of anger, harsh words, tears and of course illness, but even from those I have learned something. I am grateful for a secure foundation which included consistency and reliability (the man was never late, not even once to pick me up from an event – something I am still working on myself.) There was always pride, firm guidance (a little too firm at times) and certain expectations: responsibility, integrity, honesty, diligence and “family first.”

There are also lessons learned from death that are perhaps even more valuable to me. For example, I do not take my health for granted. It is my top priority every day to care for my body by exercising, making healthier food choices, avoiding toxic environments and people and trying to reduce stress. This is something I wish dad had placed higher on his list. Also, don’t take people or life for granted. Yes, plan and work towards the future, but make sure you live today, because tomorrow may never come.

So, today I am feeling a little bit of sadness, a fair amount of joy and great deal of gratitude for having been blessed with the examples and experiences that have shaped the person I am today. When your “sad day” comes what will you focus on?

What are you grateful for today? Please share! If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

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