Lessons Learned:

• Be open to support from wherever and whomever it comes -You never know when you will meet you next friend or gain your next inspiration.
• Know who to ask for what – Identify (at least in your mind) who will give you emotional support, who is your shoulder to cry on, you ear to vent in, who will offer sound advice, who will offer practical wisdom and think about the details, who can give recommendations and who can do repairs. This brings to mind the familiar saying, “Don’t go to the hardware store for milk.” Do not expect gushing support from your reserved details person and don’t expect a detailed action plan from your overly empathetic person.
• Keep your sense of humor – Life is so much easier when you laugh (even at yourself.) Don’t take life so seriously. Stuff happens, plans get derailed, things break, dogs throw up, your pool turns green, you get stuck in the ditch the first night of your vacation or maybe those things just happen to me…but at least I can still laugh at them.

• You will have to disappoint some people – You can’t accommodate all requests for your time and attention even if you are Supermom. Don’t feel guilty about telling your kids that you can’t take them somewhere, buy them something or entertain them. Don’t feel bad if you need to take time off from work so that you can get appointments and errands done or to take a much needed break. Be honest if you don’t have time to take on that volunteer project or a new assignment at work. Yes, needing to spend time with my family and take care of my home are valid commitments.
• Guard your time – I have become a ferocious hoarder and protector of my time. No, I won’t attend a meeting on the nights I am scheduled to Skype my husband. Yes, I do need to get my haircut, have an occasional massage and take time for exercise. Just because I work from home does not mean that I am available all day for taxi service or unnecessary phone calls or Facebook chats.

Once again this month I have discovered that by stretching just a bit beyond my comfort zone I can experience some wonderful new things. I can do more, have more and be more than I ever could have envisioned. Perhaps my biggest lesson learned this month is that I am already capable of so much more than I thought possible. I wonder what other treasures lie still inside that I have yet to unearth. Life is full of exciting possibilities…

“Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy — because we will always want to have something else or something more.” — Brother David Steindl-Rast

In my office, which is my “private space” where I spend much of my time, I surround myself with reminders of all of the people and things in my life which I am grateful for. It keeps me grounded in the reality of what is important in life and helps to keep me out of the “something more” mentality. If we continue to look for happiness in something or someone else, we will never find it. Reflect this week on what you already have and ask yourself this question.

“Can I be happy with my life just the way it is right now?”

If the answer is no, then look inside yourself for the solution. You will never find it “out there.”

I can’t believe that over a month has passed since my husband left for Afghanistan. It has a been a whirlwind of late nights, restless sleep, an endless task list, chores forgotten, frequent frustration and yes, a few tears along the way. It has also been a time of tremendous personal growth, increased confidence, support from family and friends and a heightened appreciation for the beauty of my imperfect life.

Lessons Learned:

• It is the small everyday comforts that make all the difference – my constant canine companions, my children, the aroma of morning coffee, the soothing taste of freshly brewed tea, a home that I feel comfortable in, the orchid blooming in my office, a scented candle, stirring music, flowers in bloom, wildlife outside my window and supportive family and friends.
• I need to ask for help – support is available, but people won’t know what I need until I am willing to ask.
• I cannot do everything – it is physically impossible with the 24 hours each day I am given to maintain my past level of responsibilities while adding in my husband’s. I have withdrawn from some volunteer activities and paired down my load.
• I must lower my expectations – it is all right if the floor isn’t vacuumed every day, if the windows don’t get cleaned this month, if the cabinets don’t shine, if the cars don’t get washed and if the dogs didn’t get their bath. Cereal can be an acceptable dinner as long as it is high in fiber and you add fruit.
• I need to be gentle with myself and my kids – I really need to take time to be with friends and family, but time alone is a must for me. My monthly massage is no longer a luxury and painting my toe nails is not frivolous.
• I am capable of so much more than I believe – I have always been a fairly strong and independent woman, but I have surprised myself by stretching in so many ways already.

Stepping outside of my comfort zone when my world in turmoil is a very scary concept, but it is in that space of uncertainty where I will grow the most and where my best life resides.