Tag Archives | change
10 of 365 - Let Go

What Can You Let Go Of?

By on September 30, 2010 in Life Balance
10 of 365 - Let Go
Image by admitchell08 via Flickr

We often get stuck in the status quo, not quite understanding how that is contributing to our frustration or unhappiness. We live in a cycle, just as does everything in nature. There will be ebb and flow, contraction and expansion. Life is not meant to be stagnant, but in order for that to happen, we must recognize the need to move forward. The first step in that process is learning to let go.

What do you need to let go of? Have you outgrown your job, your partner or a friendship perhaps? Do you need to let go of something physical like your home or belongings? Is there a habit, routine or tradition that no longer serves you? Do you need to release negative thinking, judgement, criticism or control?

This can be scary and uncomfortable, but it is necessary to move forward and experience the fullness of life.

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Month Two: Lessons Learned

By on September 3, 2010 in Life Balance, Personal Growth

Two months down already. Time is whizzing by it seems. We are at day 63 since my husband left for Afghanistan, and closing in on a third of the way done. This month has been filled with excitement, a bit of drama, vacation, new experiences and some frustrations. As I am finally settling into my deployment period routine the nights are getting earlier (though not early enough yet,) the sleep is getting better (though not good enough yet,) the task list is still long, some chores still get pushed aside and the tears are now few and far between. I have learned to rely on others and to reach out to my network of support to maintain my sanity and keep my life from falling apart.

Lessons Learned:

  • Be open to support from wherever and whomever it comes -You never know when you will meet you next friend or gain your next inspiration.
  • Know who to ask for what – Identify (at least in your mind) who will give you emotional support, who is your shoulder to cry on, you ear to vent in, who will offer sound advice, who will offer practical wisdom and think about the details, who can give recommendations and who can do repairs. This brings to mind the familiar saying, “Don’t go to the hardware store for milk.” Do not expect gushing support from your reserved details person and don’t expect a detailed action plan from your overly empathetic person.
  • Keep your sense of humor – Life is so much easier when you laugh (even at yourself.) Don’t take life so seriously. Stuff happens, plans get derailed, things break, dogs throw up, your pool turns green, you get stuck in the ditch the first night of your vacation or maybe those things just happen to me…but at least I can still laugh at them.
  • You will have to disappoint some people – You can’t accommodate all requests for your time and attention even if you are Supermom. Don’t feel guilty about telling your kids that you can’t take them somewhere, buy them something or entertain them. Don’t feel bad if you need to take time off from work so that you can get appointments and errands done or to take a much needed break. Be honest if you don’t have time to take on that volunteer project or a new assignment at work. Yes, needing to spend time with my family and take care of my home are valid commitments.
  • Guard your time – I have become a ferocious hoarder and protector of my time. No, I won’t attend a meeting on the nights I am scheduled to Skype my husband. Yes, I do need to get my haircut, have an occasional massage and take time for exercise. Just because I work from home does not mean that I am available all day for taxi service or unnecessary phone calls or Facebook chats.

Once again this month I have discovered that by stretching just a bit beyond my comfort zone I can experience some wonderful new things. I can do more, have more and be more than I ever could have envisioned. Perhaps my biggest lesson learned this month is that I am already capable of so much more than I thought possible. I wonder what other treasures lie still inside that I have yet to unearth. Life is full of exciting possibilities…

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hello

Just Say Hello – One word May Change Someone’s Life

By on August 24, 2010 in Personal Growth

We get so head-down focused on our own personal struggles that we often forget that we do not live inside a vacuum. People walk by us on the street and seem to gaze right through us as if we are a mirage. We speak and our words fall on deaf ears. The people around us seem to fade into the background as no more than a silent part of the landscape of our lives. This is the danger and the curse of the culture of busyness and apathy that is so pervasive in today’s society.

What difference can one person make?

hello

Hi!

Maybe all the difference in the world…

A picture of my son on a recent vacation reminded me of a story that one of the teachers told at a graduation ceremony many years ago. She recounted how one normal day in her high school years she came upon a boy in her class who was sitting by himself after school looking sad and lonely. You know this child; the loner – the quiet one that nobody really notices, not a troublemaker, keeps to himself, sits in the back of class, and doesn’t really have any friends – basically invisible. For some reason on that day she decided to stop and say hello. That was it, just hello and a smile. The next day he came to her at lunch and told her that he had planned to go home after school the day before and kill himself because he felt so alone and thought that no one would even notice he was gone, but her small gesture, just that brief moment of paying attention to him had changed his mind. He had thought that maybe he might have some hope for a friend and give it some more time. Is this a miracle cure? No; this boy needed help to turn his life around and thankfully went on to get it, but it was a start.

The point being that something as benign and insignificant as a simple “Hello” can be life-changing. A young boy made a friend that possibly saved his life and a young girl found a calling and dedicated her life to teaching children.

This week take a moment to say hello to someone new. The life you change may be your own…

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questions

Important Questions to Gain Perspective and Stop Wasting Time

By on August 17, 2010 in Personal Growth, Success

Productivity without a purpose is just busyness disguised as importance.

When was the last time you took a step back and tried to put everything about your life and work into perspective? Most likely the answer is never. I don’t just mean big picture plans, I mean what you actually do every day, how you act, how you spend your time and energy, why you do the things you do. Just humor me for a few minutes and entertain the concept that what you think you need to do or what you should do may not actually be true. Most of our patterns or behaviors are learned or acquired from others and then we never question them again until either something terrible happens or someone causes us to examine them. A recent vacation and a complete change in surroundings started me thinking about my own patterns and probing their effectiveness and even their necessity. This is why taking a break, stepping back and getting outside your “box” that has become your life is so important to both your personal and professional development.

questions

I am challenging you now to scrutinize every pattern of behavior or routine and ask yourself these questions:

  • Why am I doing this? What is the purpose?
  • How much time do I really need to spend on it?
  • Is there a faster, easier or more enjoyable way to accomplish it?
  • What would happen if I stopped doing it?

It feels disloyal in a way to question your own perspective and thoughts, because hey, we all think that we are right. We don’t really like to entertain the idea that we could be completely off-base and have been wasting our time and energy when we could be doing something much more valuable like developing ideas, connecting with people or maybe even having fun!

My own investigation revealed the following insights:

  1. Perhaps I do not need to spend an hour every day on my social media communications. I gained Twitter followers and had engagement even during my vacation period, with considerably less structured tweeting, but Facebook almost completely fell off the grid. My assignment: try switching up the amount of time and the schedule that I currently use to see if I can reduce the time commitment and make it more fun.
  2. Writing my blog posts ahead during assigned writing periods seems more productive, but isn’t the most fun way to write for me. How can I make my writing may be more effective, enjoyable and relevant?  My assignment: Try setting aside the first hour of my work day and write about what is on my mind and current.
  3. My exercise routine gets boring and that makes it a chore some days and hard for me to stick to my plan. What if I really don’t need to be so rigid in my schedule? How can I make exercise more fun and still get the results I want? My assignment: Experiment with including different activities, i.e. biking, walking the dogs, yoga, a weighted ball; instead of my standard running and weightlifting routine.

Stay tuned for my next post on my “Shake it Up” experiment….

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angry

Do You Want to be Right or Happy?

By on April 6, 2010 in Life Balance

angryDo you want to win or be happy? You may not be able to have both! There is only one real question you must face in an argument: do you want to win by demonstrating that you are right, or do you want to cooperatively come to a resolution with your partner?  You can win all the arguments you want, and feel triumphant about always being right, but that doesn’t get you anything but more conflict.  Or you can give up fixating on who won and lost, because in reality, either you both win the argument or you both lose.

Define the situation objectively – What is the conflict really about and what needs to happen?

Clarify the contest – It’s not you against me, it’s you and I against the problem.

This is not easy for me, because I ALWAYS WANT TO BE RIGHT. But I would rather be happy and have a peaceful relationship, so I am working at it right along with all of you.

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