Tag Archives | family
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Life Balance Tips from the Trenches

By on January 18, 2011 in Personal Growth

There is no more valuable advice than that that comes from the people who are “in the trenches” doing the job and living the life. You can read a book or listen to an expert, but the best wisdom comes from the real experts, real people who are up to their necks in the day to day reality of life.

I felt compelled to share some little nuggets from our Twitter chat (#PLchat) today on work life harmony and balance.

What does life balance look like for you?  The first step is determining what works for you, your career and your family.

Work life balance can be challenging for all. Not just moms.

Not sure what work life balance looks like – but I know it when I feel it.

In reality work life for me is somewhat integrated, but prefer as much separation as possible into “periods.”

Work life balance is very elusive concept.

Work life balance is very difficult, especially when you have so many responsibilities both at work and home.

For me work life harmony is when I only drop a few balls that I am juggling!

A supportive partner is key to any kind of work life balance!

In addition to home support, support at work is just as important.

Maybe being able to give attention to and enjoy each aspect of my life is a good definition of work life balance.

Biggest work life challenge – difficulty unplugging from work/business to focus on family.

I find my key to finding work life balance is scheduling my time on my calendar – and sticking to it.

Create a schedule. If you have an office, close the door (when working & not).

I work best when I schedule in blocks and just move the blocks around for flexibility.

To help me find work life balance I am working on recognizing each little success.

I think hardest to set work life boundaries with myself – no email during family time, exercise before email.

I let my cell go to voice mail when not at work. I can then listen and choose when to respond.

Discipline is the key – and it is something that I am continually working on.

GUILT – I think that is the key when trying to find work life balance.

I feel guilty when I’m working and guilty when home time.

I think guilt is directly tied to self-imposed expectations.

Need to set realistic goals. What is “enough” work & “enough” time with family, self – having to re-evaluate this.

Self-evaluation is the first step. You have to do what is necessary to self-satisfy.

If you start to feel overwhelmed step away.

I find if I get up earlier it helps me too – time to exercise, solitude & planning before kids wake.

I think I need a hobby. Need something just for me.

Key points:

Define what works for you

Stick to schedule

Set boundaries

Unplug

Take mental breaks

Don’t forget to take time for yourself.

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Housekeeping Routines: How to Improve Your Routine

By on January 6, 2011 in Life Balance

From time to time I like to feature guest posts by other contributors. If you’re interested in guest posting on this blog please contact me. James has some tips for helping you organize your space.

Housekeeping Routines: How to Improve Your Routine

Keeping your home clean, tidy and organized is a task that most people put off for another day, which is only serves to make cleaning up even more time-consuming when you finally do bite the bullet. It doesn’t need to be that way. With an optimized routine when you know exactly what to do, where to do it and when, you can turn an unwieldy and stressful chore into a lightweight point cheerfully ticked off your to do list.

  1. Tackle one room or area at a time. If your schedule is already hectic, the idea of cleaning the whole house from top to bottom is likely to send you into a panic. However, you do not have to feel this way as long as you break it down into digestible parts. For instance, one day of the week you could handle the kitchen, then the next day scrub down at least one bathroom, and so on. In this way it is easier to get things done, and you will not need to rush just to finish and move on.
  2. Keep the house free of clutter – Do not let a pile of magazines overcome your coffee table, and avoid letting the children leave their toys all over the yard. When the time comes to clean you are only adding extra work; after all, you cannot wipe the coffee table if it is covered in personal possessions. Put things away when you are not using them. If something is old and you do not even look at or wear it anymore, toss it or give it away. Should the item prove to be worth something, there is nothing wrong with selling it to bring in a little extra money. This not only helps speed up the cleaning process, but you will feel more at ease with less mess to deal with.
  3. Get the whole family involved in the house cleaning process – Assign the children to vacuuming and emptying the dishwasher on certain days of the week. Have the spouse wash the windows and take out the trash when needed. The more people that are involved with the routine, the easier it will be to get it all done.
  4. Keep a calendar of chores that need to be completed – Choose a place in the home where it will be displayed; a wall in the kitchen, your room, or next to the front door is all good locations. It does not really matter what you go with, as long as it is in plain sight and hard to overlook. By keeping track of what needs to get done, you are less likely to forget something, leading to a lot more cleaning than you anticipated or wanted.
  5. Do certain chores at certain times of the year – In the winter season, known for its chilly weather and onslaught of snow, it would be unreasonable to leave rugs outside to dry. Removing leaves and debris from the pool is not critical. Nobody would expect you to clean out the garage during such weather, either. These housekeeping routines are not absolutely necessary, and can wait for warmer weather. By taking these chores off the list, you will be able to tackle what matters the most, rather than focusing on things outside of the months where they are appropriate. Keep in mind that some things can and should be done all year.
  6. Do not ignore the hidden issues – In other words, though you may have wiped away the food stains in the kitchen, you may not have completely removed the germs from the area. Be sure to add disinfectant wipes and other cleaning solutions to your shopping list; when you make sure that your home is clean when it comes to both visible and invisible issues, it will become a safer place. For a house with children, this is something that will be especially prevalent. It does not take too long to do, however, and can make all the difference in the world.
  7. Clean for only a few minutes a day – On top of taking care of one room at a time, another way to help prevent the feeling of panic is by spending only a few to fifteen minutes on each project. Should you attempt to clean for longer, you may become tired, and thus not want to do it anymore. Then the next day you are liable to be lazy about it, believing that it is not worth the work involved. Unless it is an emergency, such as an unexpected guest coming for a visit, excess cleaning should be avoided. Take it slow, and do not act is if you are being graded on the results. As long as you do your best, that is all that matters.

This is a guest post from James, a full time writer for Spares Next Day who specialize in hoover bags for vacuum cleaners.

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This is where I

Looking Back to Look Forward

By on January 3, 2011 in Life Balance, Personal Growth, Success
This is where I've been
Image by nige_mar via Flickr

Looking Back

It’s helpful to periodically take a look back at where you’ve been; assimilate the lessons you’ve learned, get your bearings and figure out where you want to go in the future. In doing my annual look back at where I’ve been and what I learned over the last year I found some surprising, but choice wisdom.

Where I’ve Been

I was all over the map last year; I started two new websites and migrated two old ones, restructured and realigned my business, wrote a book on deployment from a spouse perspective, started 2 new books, sent my second child off to college, moved my widowed mother into a new home and helped her get the old one ready for sale, learned more about home repair than I ever wanted to and survived 6 months without my husband, who is still in Afghanistan.

What I’ve Learned

  • You can do so much more than you thought possible – This year I have had many firsts and am ever amazed at the expanding limits of my capacity. I started two new websites and migrated two old ones, restructured and realigned my business, wrote a book on deployment from a spouse perspective, started 2 new books, sent my second child off to college, moved my widowed mother into a new home and helped her get the old one ready for sale and survived 6 months without my husband, who is still in Afghanistan. Without my husband to lean on, I have learned my way around a caulk gun, helped to close the pool and successfully opened the fireplace while managing not to blow up our house.  Who knew?
  • Enough is perfectly acceptable – Who decides what enough is? The committee of “They?” Society? The business world? Our family? Friends? No. We do. I decide when something is good enough. How much time is enough? How much sleep is enough? When work is enough? What results are enough? What amount of money is enough? Maybe even how much happiness or joy is enough? What about love, how much of that is enough to give or receive? I don’t know the answers to all of those yet, but I’m working on it.
  • You cannot do as much as you think you can – In a seemingly direct contradiction of my first lesson comes the second one. Projects will take longer than expected, obstacles will arise and demands on your time and attention will test your limits when you can least afford it. You can’t do and be everything for everyone without losing yourself in the shuffle. I have found that when juggling competing needs, my time, my health and my care are the first to be overlooked. That can only lead to burnout.
  • Ask for help – Be open to support from wherever and whomever it comes and know who to ask for what – identify (at least in your mind) who will give you emotional support, who is your shoulder to cry on, you ear to vent in, who will offer sound advice, who will offer practical wisdom and think about the details, who can give recommendations and who can do repairs.
  • Keep your sense of humor – Life is so much easier when you laugh (even at yourself.) Don’t take life so seriously. Stuff happens, plans get derailed, things break, dogs throw up, your pool turns green, you get stuck in the ditch the first night of your vacation or maybe those things just happen to me…but at least I can still laugh at them.

I am my own worst enemy…no big surprise there. Aren’t we all? At this time of year when we are collectively making resolutions and setting goals for the New Year, these are the things I am thinking about. No resolutions or lofty goals this year, just an intention; an intention to push my boundaries, but to respect my limits, to try new things, but embrace tradition, to help others, but honor and care for myself and most importantly to embrace and acknowledge what is enough for me both personally and professionally.

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The First Thanksgiving, painted by Jean Leon G...

Take Time Off

By on December 24, 2010 in Personal Growth
The First Thanksgiving, painted by Jean Leon G...
Image via Wikipedia
Take time off!

Please take some time to enjoy your family and get some rest. The holiday crunch is coming and for most of us that means non-stop activity until January.

Enslaving yourself to your work can actually make you accomplish less. Master the ability to recharge yourself when you need it. Studies have shown that productivity actually improves with time off and rest. We cannot operate at full speed all of the time and expect not to lose some of our efficiency.

For example, I have started a practice of unplugging from my laptop on Sunday, unless there is some truly compelling reason not to. It is far too easy to become addicted to my Twitter, Facebook and HootSuite and before I know it the “10 minutes to check in” has turned into 2 hours. I have found and many studies substantiate this, that I can recharge my health, energy and focus by completely getting away from work in all its forms. So, my Sundays include reading my paper over coffee, walks, hiking or bike rides with my family or the dogs, gardening and best of all spending time in my chair with a good book!

This Thanksgiving week I am going to attempt to only check in with social media and personal email once a day (max 30 min.,) that’s a compromise my family and I can live with. I plan to spend time petting my dogs, listening to my children, getting in some “auntie” time with my niece and nephew.

What can you do to rest and recharge? Think of the possibilities…..

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Mother

Change Gives Us Branches

By on November 2, 2010 in Life Balance, Personal Growth
Mother's Love
Image by RoyaleScuderi via Flickr

Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches, letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights. ~Pauline R. Kezer

Continuing our month of thankfulness…

Today be thankful for change. Life is all about change, continuous change really. Without it we are a stagnant, stale shell of a human being.

Today my youngest daughter, Alexandra turns 18. This is my third child to attain “adulthood,” yet another transition in our lives. With only one “young child” left to care for I straddle the transition to adult parenting. One foot is trying to step back into something of a guide and mentoring role, while the other foot is still deeply involved in hands on parenting of an 11 year old. This balancing act is challenging at times. It requires reminding myself that at 21, 19 and 18 they are technically adults now and don’t need me to hover and swoop in to take care of them. At the same time I still get those frequent “Mom, can you help me?” calls. I find it’s a learning process to know when to step forward and when to step back and also to know when to put my hands in the air and give the tough love, you need to take care of this yourself message.

There is a certain continuity in parenting. We remain parents until our last breath; the worrying, the nurturing and the love remain. The change is in how we carry out our roles and in the growth of the relationship with our child.

Today be grateful for change. I miss those strawberry curls, that angelic giggle and those sticky kisses; but I embrace and look forward to the blossoming of the intelligent and kind, auburn haired beauty that is blooming before my eyes.

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Defining Moments are the Checkpoints in Life

By on October 13, 2010 in Life Balance, Personal Growth

Do you know what your defining moments are?  We all have them, those marks on the timeline that separate our lives into before and after. If you stop to think about it you probably have many. I certainly do; the moments I got married, the signing of divorce papers, the births of children and without a doubt the death of my father are all forever etched in my memory.  As I look back over the 40+ years of my life, one moment clearly stands out as having had the most life-altering impact and serves as a checkpoint in my existence. On October 13, 1989 @1:28 PM life as I know it vanished, to be replaced by a fresh, uncertain reality. 21 years ago I became a mother. That’s it. A simple declaration, yet more than a label, it was an indescribable alteration of reality.

I think in our society we often give the importance of motherhood lip service, but for me truly, in a single second, the trajectory, focus and purpose of my life shifted. My views on religion, politics and the role of women dramatically changed. My goals and dreams were drastically transformed. The way I viewed life was now child-centered and then world-centered, rather than self-centered. I encountered fears and worries that had never plagued me before. Of course there was love that I was completely unprepared for and a strength and fierceness that I could not have envisioned. In that defining moment I became more; more caring, more determined, more thoughtful, more purposeful. And yes, I correspondingly became more anxious and more fearful at times. I became more of the person I was meant to be. My life is divided into halves; the 21 years before and the 21 years after. The funny thing is when I think back now I can hardly remember life before. My life has become all about life after.

In one lightening flash of an instant my heart cracked wide open and life rushed in…

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Month Two: Lessons Learned

By on September 3, 2010 in Life Balance, Personal Growth

Two months down already. Time is whizzing by it seems. We are at day 63 since my husband left for Afghanistan, and closing in on a third of the way done. This month has been filled with excitement, a bit of drama, vacation, new experiences and some frustrations. As I am finally settling into my deployment period routine the nights are getting earlier (though not early enough yet,) the sleep is getting better (though not good enough yet,) the task list is still long, some chores still get pushed aside and the tears are now few and far between. I have learned to rely on others and to reach out to my network of support to maintain my sanity and keep my life from falling apart.

Lessons Learned:

  • Be open to support from wherever and whomever it comes -You never know when you will meet you next friend or gain your next inspiration.
  • Know who to ask for what – Identify (at least in your mind) who will give you emotional support, who is your shoulder to cry on, you ear to vent in, who will offer sound advice, who will offer practical wisdom and think about the details, who can give recommendations and who can do repairs. This brings to mind the familiar saying, “Don’t go to the hardware store for milk.” Do not expect gushing support from your reserved details person and don’t expect a detailed action plan from your overly empathetic person.
  • Keep your sense of humor – Life is so much easier when you laugh (even at yourself.) Don’t take life so seriously. Stuff happens, plans get derailed, things break, dogs throw up, your pool turns green, you get stuck in the ditch the first night of your vacation or maybe those things just happen to me…but at least I can still laugh at them.
  • You will have to disappoint some people – You can’t accommodate all requests for your time and attention even if you are Supermom. Don’t feel guilty about telling your kids that you can’t take them somewhere, buy them something or entertain them. Don’t feel bad if you need to take time off from work so that you can get appointments and errands done or to take a much needed break. Be honest if you don’t have time to take on that volunteer project or a new assignment at work. Yes, needing to spend time with my family and take care of my home are valid commitments.
  • Guard your time – I have become a ferocious hoarder and protector of my time. No, I won’t attend a meeting on the nights I am scheduled to Skype my husband. Yes, I do need to get my haircut, have an occasional massage and take time for exercise. Just because I work from home does not mean that I am available all day for taxi service or unnecessary phone calls or Facebook chats.

Once again this month I have discovered that by stretching just a bit beyond my comfort zone I can experience some wonderful new things. I can do more, have more and be more than I ever could have envisioned. Perhaps my biggest lesson learned this month is that I am already capable of so much more than I thought possible. I wonder what other treasures lie still inside that I have yet to unearth. Life is full of exciting possibilities…

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Vacation Reminds Us of What’s Really Important

By on August 17, 2010 in Personal Growth

Vacation is a good time to reflect on what really matters in your life and how you want to spend your time on this earth.

“Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing.” -Jim Rohn

Kids in Montreal

Family

Hearts montreal

Love

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First Month: Lessons Learned

By on August 5, 2010 in Personal Growth

One Month Down

I can’t believe that over a month has passed since my husband left for Afghanistan. It has a been a whirlwind of late nights, restless sleep, an endless task list, chores forgotten, frequent frustration and yes, a few tears along the way. It has also been a time of tremendous personal growth, increased confidence, support from family and friends and a heightened appreciation for the beauty of my imperfect life.

Lessons Learned:

  • It is the small everyday comforts that make all the difference – my constant canine companions, my children, the aroma of morning coffee, the soothing taste of freshly brewed tea, a home that I feel comfortable in, the orchid blooming in my office, a scented candle, stirring music, flowers in bloom, wildlife outside my window and supportive family and friends.
  • I need to ask for help – support is available, but people won’t know what I need until I am willing to ask.
  • I cannot do everything – it is physically impossible with the 24 hours each day I am given to maintain my past level of responsibilities while adding in my husband’s. I have withdrawn from some volunteer activities and paired down my load.
  • I must lower my expectations – it is all right if the floor isn’t vacuumed every day, if the windows don’t get cleaned this month, if the cabinets don’t shine, if the cars don’t get washed and if the dogs didn’t get their bath. Cereal can be an acceptable dinner as long as it is high in fiber and you add fruit.
  • I need to be gentle with myself and my kids – I really need to take time to be with friends and family, but time alone is a must for me. My monthly massage is no longer a luxury and painting my toe nails is not frivolous.
  • I am capable of so much more than I believe – I have always been a fairly strong and independent woman, but I have surprised myself by stretching in so many ways already.

Stepping outside of my comfort zone when my world in turmoil is a very scary concept, but it is in that space of uncertainty where I will grow the most and where my best life resides.

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Absolute Minimums are a Must to Improve Productivity

By on July 23, 2010 in Personal Growth, Success

If you consistently accomplish your absolute minimum in each of your critical core concentration areas each day you will make significant progress toward you goals over time.

Remember, slow and steady wins the race. You can always do more than the minimum and I hope you will, but even small amounts of advancement add up. Too often we get caught up in the mental trap of believing that if we can’t commit a substantial amount of time and energy then we might as well not bother to take action at all. That is a myth.

Take a look at what you have identified as your current critical areas of focus and determine what your absolute minimums are.

What is the least amount of time, effort or action you need to take to see progress?

Each person will have different answers and only you as an individual can reasonably define what they are. It is also helpful to note which focus area they address. To get you started, here is an example based on my current focus list, of the absolute minimums that I must do with consistency; both to achieve progress towards my goals and also to feel satisfied with my life and work:

  • Exercise a minimum of 20 minutes daily – physical health
  • Write one hour – career
  • Email my husband daily summary & encouragement – family
  • Work a minimum of 6 hours each day during the summer – career
  • Social media (10 Twitter posts and 1 Facebook post daily, update LinkedIn status weekly) – career
  • Connect with at least one child each day (one on one time, phone call or email/text communication) – family
  • Take 30 minutes of alone time (crucial to my sanity) – mental health
  • Check in with my Facebook community (especially group for spouses of deployed military members) – friends

Your list may be very different and it should be since your life situation is dissimilar to mine. This list will then become a structure for new habits you want to implement. The amount and complexity is up to you, but remember to keep it reasonable or you won’t be able to maintain your momentum.

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